Moving onwards

So, here we are, the boys watching the Rugby (husband, son, boy-dog), the girls (daughter and girl-dog) curled up in the cosy armchairs by the woodburner in the kitchen.  Fresh pasta on the stove and a home filled with happiness, laughter and light.  Many changes have happened over the last year, may of them wonderful, some stressful and a few tricky and difficult.  All in all we are in a good place with so much potential at our feet.  Land to clear, gardens to plant and house to decorate and a future to enjoy.

For now a week off work will unfold and include lots of cooking, clearing, reading, relaxing, dog-walking, wood collecting and films by the fire.

adrift

A strange week, 21st August, harvest time.  I feel lost, adrift, unable to stay on a certain path, trying to make plans for work, home, last minute trips is impossible things just have to stay on hold.  We have had some cooler days which have been so welcome, so refreshing but so clearly signs of Autumn ahead.  So we are taking baby steps to plan for winter, the guys have been chopping and stacking wood, I have made 10 x litre bottles of homegrown tomato passata, the man has built our first raised bed in our side garden and the vegetable patch is looking tired.

I am planning autumn crafts and nice homely things mostly with Christmas in mind, I have sorted cupboards and have labelled boxes which are full of cards, ribbons and fabrics etc so I have no excuses for not getting on with things.

But still I am lost, my aunt died at the weekend she was young really 65 but had been slowly killing herself for several years, she was found dead alone most likely drunk.  We are waiting for the coroners report but I have to fly back to the UK to help my Grandma and Uncle (who are both disabled) organise the funeral etc.  So I can't seem to get on with things as I don't know when to fly back, or for how long and I have to fit in work commitments and the last precious weeks of the school holidays so all in all I feel heavy hearted and saddened for what lies ahead in the next few weeks and a life lost.

But, life here in our little spot in Tuscany is still beautiful and we are so lucky.  Today I will work for a few hours then bake and make soup as this will help restore my soul.  The girl is at her Grandparents which is truly wonderful as this is a rare treat for her and the boy is here finishing summer homework, the house is quiet and still which is lovely but very strange.  So now I will leave this page and take small steps into the rest of my day.

We will soon have a teenager in the house and it shows...

things I love

Sometimes the everyday stuff seems so full of basic things that are dull and tiring the cleaning up dog hair, the wiping off icecream from furniture, the hunt for the missing sock, the forgotton homework dramas etc.  But, inbetween the 'necessary' are the goodies, the snapshots of love and laughter, the jam and honey.  Here are a few of mine.

Sneaky big dog snoring on forbidden sofa
The mummy's day poem
The sound of recorder practice
The warm sunlight peeking through the wooden shutters
My newly planted foxgolves waving in the breeze
Peach blossom
The scent of the Jasmine
our wild and huge garden
A full fridge and dresser
A 6 week menu plan I created at the weekend
The view accross the terracotta roofs
Cool tiled floor beneath my feet
The old films we indulge ourselves with in the evenings
The sun dried tomatos from a lovely friend
The mended mosquito net ready to go above our bed
The freedom to work for myself

Here are some pics I took when the tidying (a while ago) and cleaning got too much and I grumped around feeling glum then kicked myself up the backside and focused on the good stuff, here is some of the sweetness I found amongst the grime and dog fur...

Enough of the sweetness and light, now off to pick up poo, hang the washing on the line, put more in, prepare supper and walk 3 km to pick the girl up from school.  On balance the walk is stunning and we will get a wondeful icecream when in the village, lucky us x

catching up

been running too fast to even breathe on the workfront, miserable.  I know we are so lucky to have work when so many don't, but gone are our weekends, our down time, time to smell the roses, time to just be. We are exhausted physically and mentally, the house has become a next of dust and dog fur, paperwork piles topple over and we are all out of sorts in some way.  BUT things take a natural path and I truly feel a shift is happening and being struck down with kidney stones has meant I have just had to stop and this is obviously what is really needed right now.  We have had so many time-sucking work projects that have zapped our energy our family life has become disjointed, hard, fretful and at odds.  Things are changing though, they have to so the promise of breathing space and time to just be I am sure is just around the corner.  Watching the signs is crucial to me and this I have not been doing, so I am going to gently realign myself and let go of some things I can't change and nurture the things I can including myself.

So a gentle reminder of the things that matter is needed and I am going to start blogging with intent and colour and am kicking off with short posts which encapsulate the snippets of fun and frolics enjoyed in the last few months, I hope they being us to a brighter, lighter place. 

when we had time at home in the autumn and TT's 8th birthday....

Thinking Out Loud

Inspired by the thought provoking and inspiring blog post onhttp://anabundanceofrainbows.blogspot.it/

::Moments of Gratitude - I'm feeling very thankful for the sun shining through the windows creating patches of golden light on the stone floor.  The warm sleepy dog, gently nodding in the sunlight.  The views across the tiled rooftops to the ancient Roman church.  Lines of Cypress trees dotted across the hilltops.  Knowing my family are healthy and their lives are full of potential.  The spring bulbs peeking through the earth.  The overflowing folder of vegetables seeds ready to be unveiled.  My bookshelves which inspire me everyday.  A fridge with food for a week or two.  My now tidy and well stocked kitchen dresser ready to provide, should the snow finally arrive.  The chance to keep pushing boundaries and learning from old mistakes

::Thinking out loud – I feel fairly rough today, too much admin work to catch up on and a snuffley cold and general malaise. No energy, dog tired, grotty and irritable. Even bright colours seem lost on me today. To shift my energy I may dig out the old camera and take a small stroll around the village.  Not far though as the dogs hate being left alone and I can’t cope with both on the leads as they are totally wild. – Also one has just been sick at my feet…Lovely.

::Positive Thoughts – Thinking of my Grandmas, both of which are getting frailer in each change of seasons, may their health and minds stay strong.  I wish I had known them better as they have always been distant to me as have most of my family.

For my man who is exhausted from manual work and general family demands.  He coaches Rugby several times a week voluntarily and travels large areas for work and I am not always the most welcoming when he comes home, often I am stressed and stroppy so I will try and recognise when to stay quiet and just give a little more. 

Acceptance and Guidance – we are trying to accept our children’s individuality and gently encourage positive behaviour and healthy interests rather than judge them and try and change them.  We are also trying to accept and understand ourselves as parents with very different ideas about the world.

::Cooking – Well my cooking mojo is sometimes hard to find and with so many different dietary requirements it is often tricky and exhausting to conjure up healthy good tasting meals.  I am gluten free and vegetarian, the girl is vegetarian, the boys both love meat and the man-child hates veg.  The girl dislikes pastry, cream and many other things and the boy would eat biscuits all day if he could.  So the general plan for the week is:

Pasta and artichoke sauce, vegetable shepherds pie, chickpea casserole, mushroom risotto, veg curry with onion bhajis (chickpea flour is wonderful stuff), pasta and homemade pesto (already in freezer).  Lunches that work for us are homemade bread and toppings such as pea and pecorino dip, mushroom pate, chicken liver pate for the boys, chopped tomato and olive oil, hummus or mozzarella and tomato (caprese). Or Toasted bread with oil and garlic.  Salads that may appear this week are orange and fennel or chickpea, grated carrot, grated courgette lemon juice and oil (my favourite).  Then the backups include homemade pizza, polenta and roast veg, fishcakes or kedgeree as we all eat fish though the man is not so keen.

::Wearing – Whatever is clean.  We are working through mounds of washing and sandy smelly Rugby kit, I am trying to get as much on the line as possible as the sun is shining and we’ve had days of heavy rain.  I am wearing today though red argyle knitted leggings, a red corduroy skirt from monsoon but found in charity shop 10 years ago, green polo neck sweater, chunky boots and a tired expression on my face.

::Creating – I don’t create I procrastinate.  But on my little desk beside my bed I have knitting, French knitting and a box of craft books for ideas.  I do want to make a loose chair cover for a lovely old club chair but don’t have the nerve to sew it alone.  I would also love to make the kids oversized beanbags but think they’ll have left home before this happens.

I have a small and very threatening pile of mending to do on snagged torn clothes and buttons to sew on coats etc.

In the Garden – My passion other than my family.  We have planted the first row of peas, started a new pair of compost bins, planted in pots, chives, chillies, lettuce, chicory, onions, leeks, rose cuttings, passionflower cuttings, iris, lilies, borage, marjoram, mint, creeping thyme, lemon thyme, winter savoury, rosemary, bitter leaves for salad, snowdrops, daffodils, tulips, jasmine, wisteria, valerian, purple basin, pumpkin, melons and the list goes on.  But this new garden is experimental and needs to evolve.  Next urgent issue is buying a polytunnel and shelving.

::Out and About – well the ice-skating has finished and the rugby season begun, the boy has a match at the weekend and the girl is continuing her gymnastics with horses, yes it’s true acrobatics and gymnastics on horseback.  Also learning trapeze and climbing with silks.  The farm where she does this has a wonderful calming energy and I love taking her there, just to see the old retired horses makes be stop and breathe in the smell of the stables and I get a wonderful warm fix of horse nuzzling.

::Reading – An Italian Education, Many, many gardening books, Re-reading Pure Bliss by Gill Edwards, Italy based travel books and language books, cookery books and more.  The Midnight Kittens by Dodie Smith is the book TT and I are reading at bedtime.

::Around the House – Need shelving in the long corridor of doom for gardening gear and outdoor stuff, TT would benefit from a bunk-bed to improve space but its somewhere down the list. We would love a new sofa as ours has been partly mauled by our savage hounds but we will continue with the ‘lots of throws’ theory for now.  Most urgent on my mind is to create and outdoor kitchen as we have a big terrace and I want to shift the food preparation outside as soon as we possibly can as I could grow veg, clean it and cook it all within our garden, then best of all we can dine together beside the bbq / pizza oven.  This is a project to push to the man along with a well timed cool beer I think!

::Plans – oh how I miss the coast, Italy is so different and its taken quiet a bit of adapting to how regimented beach visits can be but the warm sea, the salty air and stretches of endless sand and pebble are worth it.  I yearn to set the kids free in their swimming gear and layback under the sun with a book or sneak a little cultural people watching.  I miss the smell of the sun-cream, the sound of the shouting melon and coconut sellers and I miss the seafood, the gelati and the prosseco on the beachfront terrace.  So we must plan a winter trip to the coast, see the luxury yachts and stare in awe, take in the emptiness of the beachfront and bring a freezer bag of ‘today’s’ catch back like we do in the summer then light the BBQ and enjoy the taste of the sea back home in our muddy garden, most likely in gloves and hats.  Roll on mosquito nets, sun burn, salads, endlessly watering the garden and long balmy evenings in our new home in Tuscany.