Unspoken Words

I have felt really, really unwell for days. My mouth, throat and ears are agony, the nerve along my jaw has a searing constant pain and I have run out of energy to fight this virus. I was wondering why I have this illness and am utterly sure that the physical is related to the emotional and have spent days looking within myself as to what might cause these symptoms. One repeating topic is Blue Dog and how much I still miss is warm body and his silver shape next to me, typing this breaks my heart and the tears flow, unstoppable and from the core of me. After he died I felt I had to be strong for everyone else and be brave and worse than that grown up. Well, I don't feel those things and even after a year of him being gone I still wish I had told him that he was my baby boy - my rock, he always, always made me feel whole, the smell of his soft fur soothed me in times of need and he eased me from teenager, to woman, wife, to mother. I want to walk with him in the hills and get annoyed when he refuses to come back, I want to stop the two dogs trying to take chunks out of each other, I want to feel his velvet ears brush past me knees. It will always shake me the depth of my love for Blue Boy. So it is out now, how I still miss him and always shall. But now I must let my love pour towards Leo, now another old boy, who too has a place in my heart and soul. x