In the moment

Sometimes I feel an absolute certainty that things are simply just meant to be.  Yeseterday I was fighting to finish some overdue work projects whilst TT watched a film, the house was a mess and dinner was a long way off, I was cross and stressed.  Then from nowhere, TT fell ill within 1 hour she was sick and had a high temperature.  So I was totally forced to abandon work, the house, the supper and had to become 100% Mummy.  This was meant to be I am sure as it put me back on track and helped me realign want is truly important.  I sat with the girl curled up on the sofa (with a bowl) I soothed her and calmed her, which in turned calmed me, I slowed my breathing and felt my heartbeat slowing to a normal rate again, I simply let go of everything and remained in the moment with the girl - where I should have been all along.  Later when she was sleeping under a warm blanket by the woodburner I finished by work with a calm mind, I made a pumpkin risotto slowly and with care and had a small tidy up - everything that needed to be done was done, most importantly they were done consciously with thought and not in a frenzied Friday night panic.  So I am grateful for the interuption and the kick up the bum, the girl is recovering though still poorly, and I am once more on track emotionally!

Food - the good the bad and the fattening

Food – I seem to have lost my flow, my naturalness in the kitchen, maybe the dark days and non stop rain are causing me to feel lacking in a desire to venture to the veg plot but all in all I feel adrift. I normally plan weekly menus, plot days for baking, soup making and general tinkering, but right now the kitchen is a little daunting. Even food shopping is putting me off, I normally dive head first into the open air markets sniffing, prodding and sampling local produce, but suddenly I am at a loss. 

Our eating habits are complex and sometimes hard work. I am gluten free and dilly dally around vegan, veggi diets often darting into pure raw here and there. But then, a Tuscan wild boar sausage somehow ends up on my plate hidden among the mashed potatoes and baked leeks, I woof it down then wish I hadn’t. My DH however is a meat man and would be very happy with all manner of carnivorous fair, he also loves bread and so I make breads and cakes I can’t eat and am happy to see them devoured. I buy meat occasionally that I rarely eat and create vegi meals that everyone else tolerates, just.
So here I am adrift in a sea of uncertainty wanting to simplify cooking and shopping but needing to still create yummy meals that I enjoy making and my family love eating – all on a wafer thin budget. After all I live in Tuscany the land of cheese, bread, cured meat and wine, maybe I will find my cooking mojo again soon. Any helpful ideas or encouragement are warmly welcomed x

TT helping gather olies (rolling in the nets)

cousins this summer

nb:  My copy of the green parent and the book 'eat pray love' have just landed on my desking - maybe the inspiration I need!!

Feeling sad

The last thing I want is for this blog to become too gloomy but just lately things have worn me down.  TT has once again gone into meltdown about getting dressed and ready for school.  Kicking shouting etc, this morning we were late again (10 days now) and I went to see her teacher to ask if she is OK at school, he seems to think not and I now have a meeting with him on Thursday - god I hope my Italian is up to it.

She seems to like school though, tells us it is fun, and loves her homework and fun projects they are doing, but this would make sense of the whole 'nightmare' of getting her into the car.

I am trying so hard to remain calm but it is v. hard to do when everything is crunching to a halt and my nerves are wrangling.  So now I am going to head to school and let her play in the park with her friends and watch her interact to see how she seems to be emotionally.  Tonight we will curl up in front of the fire and read and play and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Sometimes I wish I could teach them at home, but I think they would miss the interaction with Italian kids, and their language skills would go to pot.  This way we have the best of both worlds I hope, part time school and long long holidays.

I long to switch of my brain for a while though and just have a few days without 'tempers fraying' and tears and tantrums (all of ours) flying.

Plans this week - leek soup, homemade ciabatta, gluten free muffins, olive picking, dog walking, cinema and lots and lots of reading by the fire. x 

The camera is on its way home from the menders so this blog should soon be full of autumn colour again.