Winter travels

Last month we took a crazy family trip to blighty to visit friends and family, I also squeezed in 4 meetings and some Christmas shopping, and to finish off we crammed in an overnight stop in Venice - phew!!!!

I have decided to split our adventures up into small bite size pieces rather than overwhelm this blog with too much blurb and endless snapshots.

So to kick-off the story of our little holiday, firstly we had to organise a house-sitter to look after our ancient buck-tooth lurcher Leo and our two teenage kittens Romulus and Remus, thankfully we have a wonderful friend who was able to simply take our place for 8 days and I have to say that I think the animals were delighted and totally spoilt. The forecasts for the UK were hideous and we really didn't think we would make it at all as we watched all the airports close and rail networks grind to a halt, but somehow we did manage to make it to London, to the only airstrip that was open on a very snowy and very cold Thursday morning. The idea of this trip was for our kids to see more of the UK as they had never visited the capital or travelled much before we moved to Italy. So we made it to London and managed to take in the following sights: The London Eye, Big Ben, Houses of Parliament, Lots of snow and ice, Christmas lights, Harrods, Kings Road, Westminster Abbey, Eros, Tower of London, The Thames, Speedboats, Open top buses in the snow, Black Cabs - and many more lovely things all from our cosy if somewhat packed bus!!!!

After our mad trip into London, the kids and Gary went to The Natural History Museum which was wonderful and I met them there later (bad mummy working). My mobile broke and I couldn't contact my client to say I was late (not great) and I couldn't contact DH to arrange to meet, all in all I was very stressed charging across London in the snow, heart racing, dry mouthed and heavy hearted wishing I was with my clan. Eventually we managed to find each other under a huge dinosaur skeleton and I slowly calmed down and managed to enjoy some time with my tribe. TT loved the moving dinosaur and Archie kind of just put up with her crazy unflinching enthusiasm. The boy was pretty overwhelmed by London, the tubes, the traffic and the amount of people - he is sensitive and I knew this might prove a challenge, TT however wasn't phased, just became more stubborn.

After a long, long day in London which was stunning, all the historical buildings frosted with snow we hopped on a coach (thank god I booked a coach as the trains were all cancelled) and watched the snow get heavier and heavier as we trundled slowly but surely to the West Country.

We eventually got to Great Grandma's late at night and enjoyed shop bought salad and roast chicken with big glasses of wine. Memories of my night at GG's will be: Tea and Biscuits, The Radio Times, Itchy Wool blankets, Ice, Frost, Children’s TV, Archie's Asthma kicking in, time well spent with my 85 year old Grandma. A good start to our English escapades.

In the moment

Sometimes I feel an absolute certainty that things are simply just meant to be.  Yeseterday I was fighting to finish some overdue work projects whilst TT watched a film, the house was a mess and dinner was a long way off, I was cross and stressed.  Then from nowhere, TT fell ill within 1 hour she was sick and had a high temperature.  So I was totally forced to abandon work, the house, the supper and had to become 100% Mummy.  This was meant to be I am sure as it put me back on track and helped me realign want is truly important.  I sat with the girl curled up on the sofa (with a bowl) I soothed her and calmed her, which in turned calmed me, I slowed my breathing and felt my heartbeat slowing to a normal rate again, I simply let go of everything and remained in the moment with the girl - where I should have been all along.  Later when she was sleeping under a warm blanket by the woodburner I finished by work with a calm mind, I made a pumpkin risotto slowly and with care and had a small tidy up - everything that needed to be done was done, most importantly they were done consciously with thought and not in a frenzied Friday night panic.  So I am grateful for the interuption and the kick up the bum, the girl is recovering though still poorly, and I am once more on track emotionally!

Food - the good the bad and the fattening

Food – I seem to have lost my flow, my naturalness in the kitchen, maybe the dark days and non stop rain are causing me to feel lacking in a desire to venture to the veg plot but all in all I feel adrift. I normally plan weekly menus, plot days for baking, soup making and general tinkering, but right now the kitchen is a little daunting. Even food shopping is putting me off, I normally dive head first into the open air markets sniffing, prodding and sampling local produce, but suddenly I am at a loss. 

Our eating habits are complex and sometimes hard work. I am gluten free and dilly dally around vegan, veggi diets often darting into pure raw here and there. But then, a Tuscan wild boar sausage somehow ends up on my plate hidden among the mashed potatoes and baked leeks, I woof it down then wish I hadn’t. My DH however is a meat man and would be very happy with all manner of carnivorous fair, he also loves bread and so I make breads and cakes I can’t eat and am happy to see them devoured. I buy meat occasionally that I rarely eat and create vegi meals that everyone else tolerates, just.
So here I am adrift in a sea of uncertainty wanting to simplify cooking and shopping but needing to still create yummy meals that I enjoy making and my family love eating – all on a wafer thin budget. After all I live in Tuscany the land of cheese, bread, cured meat and wine, maybe I will find my cooking mojo again soon. Any helpful ideas or encouragement are warmly welcomed x

TT helping gather olies (rolling in the nets)

cousins this summer

nb:  My copy of the green parent and the book 'eat pray love' have just landed on my desking - maybe the inspiration I need!!

Feeling sad

The last thing I want is for this blog to become too gloomy but just lately things have worn me down.  TT has once again gone into meltdown about getting dressed and ready for school.  Kicking shouting etc, this morning we were late again (10 days now) and I went to see her teacher to ask if she is OK at school, he seems to think not and I now have a meeting with him on Thursday - god I hope my Italian is up to it.

She seems to like school though, tells us it is fun, and loves her homework and fun projects they are doing, but this would make sense of the whole 'nightmare' of getting her into the car.

I am trying so hard to remain calm but it is v. hard to do when everything is crunching to a halt and my nerves are wrangling.  So now I am going to head to school and let her play in the park with her friends and watch her interact to see how she seems to be emotionally.  Tonight we will curl up in front of the fire and read and play and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Sometimes I wish I could teach them at home, but I think they would miss the interaction with Italian kids, and their language skills would go to pot.  This way we have the best of both worlds I hope, part time school and long long holidays.

I long to switch of my brain for a while though and just have a few days without 'tempers fraying' and tears and tantrums (all of ours) flying.

Plans this week - leek soup, homemade ciabatta, gluten free muffins, olive picking, dog walking, cinema and lots and lots of reading by the fire. x 

The camera is on its way home from the menders so this blog should soon be full of autumn colour again.

Tears, tantrums and sock issues

I am so, so weary. This morning spiralled out of control again when Tabby refused to get dressed, changed her clothes twice, refused tights, leggings and socks. Picked socks, said they annoyed her removed socks, screamed at us threw stuff around the house, screamed more, put socks on inside out, puts boots on, said they annoyed her, took them and socks off, screamed more about the seams in the socks. Cried, shouted and kicked us both, took off her dress and insited on putting it back on backwards. Just as they were going out the door she took shoes, socks and dress off and refused to put them on. I swapped the socks for the smoothest I could find and tried to put them on her, she kicked me hard in the ribs and I smacked her - I wish I could rewind the clock!. I didn’t intend to but she was uttery out of control and I burst into tears again!! She was carried kicking and screaming into the car, they got to school 1/2 hour late as usual.  Every morning is like this, every day starts with total chaos and then I feel crap for hours and hours. 

There are two issues here think. Tabby wants to be in control of everything, she also has a massive temper issue, we are trying to calm her and listen and give her freedom to choose are clothes etc, this doesn’t seem to help though.

2nd issue, she genuinely hates socks and tights. I bought three pairs of soft smooth tights on Saturday and have had to cut the feet off as she can’t cope with the seams on the toes. She will then only where 1 or 2 pairs of socks which to me seem the same in feel to all her others!  Can anyone help on the anger issues and the sock problems. Does anyone know of seamless tights or socks?

A kind Mummy on the GP forum just sent me these links which are great and on close inspection I was very very interested to read about Tactile Defenciveness.  Also having calmed down myself, maybe she is simply saying listen to me these socks do REALLY bother me.  So tonight I will sit with her and make a 'comfy' sock box and put only things that she is hapy with in the box, maybe this will work.  I have ordered some socks from the Sensory Smart site but do not know how long the post will take to arive here in Italy.

http://www.sensory-smart.com/


http://www.eczemaclothing.com/Department/Cotton+Socks+Tights/Childrens+Socks/

http://www.seamlesssocksuk.co.uk/girls socks.html

In the shed

Great Grandma's 85th birthday cake!

GG, TT and AA

Siena

Siena

Siena

New old desk for TT

Typical TT

Fiery Friend - awaiting installation

homework on the new old desk

I have finally succumbed to working in the shed again as my laptop is a bugger and won't upload images which is a real pain in the neck... any ideas as to why it won't upload are most welcome.


This last week has been chaotic to say the least, with children visiting friends, work meetings, hospital appointments, helping people move house and re-arranging our home to accommodate lots of lovely unwanted bits and bobs including an ancient sewing machine with foot tread (pics to come).  On the home front things are coming together slowly, the house is wonderfully messy and in need of a serious clean but the children are full of autumnal excitement, Halloween seems to be a big thing for a 10 year old!  We are hopeful that more work is coming our way here in Italy as this is where I really want to be,. not flitting to the UK every month.


The week ahead looks like this:   Olive picking, Olive picking, Olive picking, making Halloween biscuits, tidying, cleaning, working, Olive picking, Olive picking, working.


Big plans..........the jam jar embargo.. I have about 100 empty jars waiting to be filled with Passata however our tomatoes were a disaster this year and my jam jar stock is out of control.  I therefore plan to hide them from Gary so he thinks the problem has simply vanished!!  then magically I will feel them with yummy things at regular intervals such as jam, fruit in syrup, dried herbs etc.  I desperately need to get my pantry/kitchen cupboards inline as they are currently a miss mash of disordered clutter.


Big News... The wood burner is here and waiting the approval from our landlord, a long term loan from a friend this fiery friend will transform our lives, we just need the landylord to install it (not a simple task).


Big Dreams.. We may have found some land to share with friends where we can build a 'recycled' home here in the hills of Tuscany.


Here are few recent pics of our life here in Italy x

Autumn review

Well it's been so long since I have felt like blogging, I suppose mostly because my laptop will not upload images anymore, no idea why. Therefore to blog in pictures I need to go to the shed (office)and when it is cold or the children are home I don't feel the urge.

However, today the sun is shining through the autumn clouds and I have venture to the shed to work and catch up with blogging, both for fun and work.

 

 

  

  

The last few weeks have been manic and may days I have felt totally exhausted and out of control on many levels; work, home, kids, house, garden, nature, diet, everything has been out of sync which I find upsetting. But now I feel a little more grounded and that a gentle rhythm is flowing though our lives again. The children are now a school part time which is better for everyone as we are sharing more experiences and getting to understand more what they are studying a school. Tabby is learning to write and read in Italian so we have been exploring the countryside with a pen a paper and writing down the names of things like strada (road) Alberi (trees Gatti(cats), in all honesty I think I am learning the most out of being with the kids, especially on the Italian front. So we are trying to be outside more too, the veg patch is sad and neglected and we have had issues with bugs and blight this year, one triumph though is our marvellous melanzane, wonderful griddled with salt and olive oil! This weekend is looking busy but in a nice homely way, tomorrow will be homework, cleaning, baking and gardening, Sunday lunch at friends then a trip to see our visiting Great Grandma who flies to Italy tomorrow, today is hr 85th birthday, I think I may bake her a girly style cake with sprinkles and icing.

This post is in danger of becoming a war and piece style feature so I will try and make a brief summary of life in the Tuscan Hills as it is now:

Home: scruffy, needs cleaning, would like to paint wild climbing flowers on the walls in TT's room and de-clutter every other room. We are re-arranging things to help us stay warm this winter and plan to sleep downstairs in front of the fire when it turns too cold upstairs. Sounds divine, warm duvet, glass of wine, dozing chidren, crackling fire, agghh.

Garden: Looking healthy but very wild, my little formal garden at the front looks set to be a happy jumble of herbs and flowers in the spring. Would ike to get lots of bulbs in very soon ready for spring. The Veg patch is crazy and looks like a field of weeds which in fact it is. Though we are so excited about our leeks and pumpkins which are strong and handsome.

Hearth: Made amazing honey and raisin bread this week that the children love, the perfect loaf after 30 years of practice!!!! Baked potatoes in the oven for lunch and homemade baked beans. Hope to make a few more crumbles and cakes tomorrow. Enjoyed the most amazing 'Crema di Limoncello' last weekend when some lovely friends came for lunch. Monia had made this fantastic booze from 97% alcohol, lemons, sugar and cream - it was utterly gorgeous but I felt like I had had me knee joints removed and replaced with jelly after 2 glasses.

Custard - we have been gorging on Brids custard and gluten free crumble since I found a tin in a small shop in town (we can't normally find this here in Tuscany)

Family - Ups and downs, lots of emotional outbursts flying around our home lately. The boy is 10 now and quite grumpy at times, also still has hideously shy moments, he is fine at Rugby and school but introduce him to a new person and he can barely speak, let alone look them in the eye, it cripples him socially sometimes and I so wish I could feed him a plate of confidence and a big dollop of enthusiasm. The girl is quite simply barking mad, wonderful to watch, she loves learning and is overflowing with interest in the outside world, animals, plants and nature. Though she has to some how calm down her temper as she lashes out at her brother for no reason - all normal fun and games. I struggle to understand why they can’t be nice to each other, I was an only child who grew up watching the Waltons and thought siblings enjoyed each others company (apparently a ludicrous ideal according to my DH).

The good stuff: The kittens are now big bruisers who love catching praying mantis, lizards and voles yet still cry desperately for food, they are lovely to watch and still play together when not cruising the neighbourhood looking for love! The old hound is well and truly off his rocker and paces the house all the time, why, we don't know, he seems happy and eats well but his sight is bad an so is his breath, but we love him so!

I really hope to keep myself on an even keel this winter and have promised myself time for meditation, yoga and long walks in the woods, early nights and lots of healthy eating, time for family and friends. I will not let work and finances overshadow my life and will try very hard to see the positive in all things, most importantly we are all healthy at the moment and the sun is shining, I can hear the gentle crunching and rustling as leaves fall to the ground outside my shed door – what a beautiful noise xxxxx



Summer Loving

Blues and Greens

A hat full of figs

Next years vintage

Itsy Bitsy little books - inspired by Claire's wonderful blog at Border stories

Risen in the sun, kneaded by young hands and enjoyed with supper

Summer review

Well even here in sunny Tuscany the seasons are on the turn, a cool breeze greets us in the morning and the nights are dark early. We are overwhelmed with things we must do to prepare for winter, as last year we were so frozen and gloomy. Today the kids are collecting kindling and weeping up pine needles and cones for fire-lighting, we have logs coming next week, and I am umming and agghing over hedgerow jam as we had few strawberries and cherries nd no peaches this year, so the jam will have to be a mongrel variety. Tempers are high in the house - a long summer this year, everyone tired and grumpy, I think some gentle down time ad nourishing is required. Tonight Shepherds Pie and Waltons I think. I have to buckle down on the work front as several new projects are starting this month - so sad to give up my time in the home but needs must so for the next year I will most likely be in the office (our shed) 4 days a week and will cram in the olives, walnut harvest and veg patch, crafts, cooking etc around my work and trips to the UK for meetings. Oh to just be able to stay at home in Italy..............




Spent yesterday in Firenze visiting the Aussies before they go on their travels, the girls had so much fun and number 1 boy was a star pushing a babe in the buggy all around Florence. I was so delighted to come home though, I just don’t do cities and Florence is so 'money grabbing' and pretentious I love my simple life here in the hills and when I need culture Siena is perfect, tranquil and more real. I am uploading our summer pics bites size chunks so as not to bore the pants of everyone xx

The Seasons

Where to start...  We have had family and friends here now on and off for the last month, which mostly has been wonderful, yet tiring.  The hardest person to deal with is the Man who just likes his home quiet and simple, with a houseful of guests and many kids this made him grumpy!!!!!  However, when the house is back to normal he says he misses the company and bussle!!! Can't win really.  We have just said to goodbye to the Aussies and will see them again in two weeks, the time went to fast for me but one really joyful things was watching two little girls make a deep and happy bond, two 5 year olds who couldn't be more different in their personalities just clicked it was magical.Also seeing cousins slip into each others lives so easily as if they see them all the time.

Today has been about planning the autumn, we made a Christmas box of films, stories and music and set aside to gradually fill over the next few months.  The kids made cake, spent hours making knights and footballers out of tin foil and card, we watched the Waltons (fab), and I pottered around plotting autumn harvesting, thinking of woolly socks and mittens, still blistering hot here though.  

Back to work in the morning and something that we feel we need to make part of our lives is structure, not rigid rules but a gentle sequence throughout our week, as we are tired and unorganised at the moment.  So we really are going back to basics:  Bath nights, cleaning day/laundry and baking day, monday morning coffee to discuss our work, meals at 7pm bed at 8.30 for the kids etc etc

Hope to upload photos soon but have to use another pc to do this - very annoying.  xx

Angels & Demons

I am sure we must all have them, those nasty little devils that sneak into our thoughts and wreck our concentration, disturb our peace of mind or generally play havoc with our sense of wellbeing, but mine have been on a total destruct mission lately.  My demons mostly appear in the forms of low self worth, zero self esteem, lack of trust, feeling I am not good enough (mother, writer, wife etc) but sometimes they jump up and bite me on the bum and make me feel really bad.  Last week my nasty old demon of 'panic' appeared, the horrible gremlin that attacks me on high bits of road, in busy streets and on long bridges, I literally feel as if the road is crumbling beneath me and that I am falling and am going to die. Totally daft and very upsetting, I haven't felt this way for 2 years now,  then here it was back again, so on reflection I feel I was exhausted that day, thinking of too many things and now allowing time for relaxation, reflection and me-time.

So now I am back to putting my life in order, time for work, time for kids, time for my man and time for me, I am going to carefully balance where my energy is spent and gently re-shift the priorities back to health, love, happiness, nature etc.

Grounding myself physically and emotionally, I have been worried about not feeling secure in this house as it is so expensive but am always scared of upheaval, however, now does feel the time to move on (locally) nearer school and Siena which we all love.  So we have been looking at areas we would like to live in, discussing options and now feeling more positive about things.

I am working every other day now for the rest of the summer, in order to enjoy time with the kids and we have family here on Thursday so a busy few weeks in store.  Today the sun is bright, the flowers thirsty, my daughter has made bread which is rising on the table in the garden, I have a lovely bottle of Chianti set aside for supper time (a gift from Nonna), and a little gluten free cake for pudding, so a gentle evening ahead x

Honey and Rosemary bread, figs from the garden

 

Birthday icecream in Siena

Sunny Siena

Poor Daddy

In the swing

I am enjoying blogging again... for now at least.  As I am so exhausted from work, heat and garden this blog is giving me a little space to breathe again.  Last night I made an un-shopping list a la Alice in Wonderland.  Rather than focus on what we needed to buy I listed what we had left then adapted recipes to suit the ingredients - well kind of.  My cooking skills vary from 'wow' that was delicious to pretty poor similar to 'Rhia' from the 1970's sitcom Butterflies so we will have to see how next week pans out as I have included within my recipe lists 2 family picnics as it is my birthday on Friday!

I am also trying to adopt and less worryfull attitude as I have been plagued by nightmares and sleepless nights lately, trying hard to be calm and not getting stressed with money and health issues.

 

For now though here are some summer shots....

Summer in Italy

The beach, warm mornings, sleeping outside on the trampoline, washing dry within minutes, bread rising on the table in the garden, the insects drowning out the birdsong, football with friends, playing cards with Grandma, supper outside, picnic lunches, castles and kingdoms, a sense of calm (sometimes), afternoon sleeps, coffee in Siena, swimming, diving and sunshine.  Salads and fruit, simple food but the best, tomato plants on the up, beans, peppers, aubergines all struggling in the heat, pumpkins gone wild, kittens growing up, old dog slowing down.  Time to relax watching life unfold.  No money, very little work, but one fantastic future .... Namaste x

 

  

New blog

Just to let you know I have now started another blog for my garden design business at Bella Terra Garden Design.  I plan to update both my personal blog and the work blog weekly now one of our computer’s is letting me add images etc.  On the new blog I plan to include English and Tuscan garden ideas and a country gardener’s diary.

For now though I have to fly as the vegetable patch is dying of thirst.

photos?? Fingers crossed

I hope with fingers crossed that these images now upload, we spend 1/2 our time with a camera or laptop that fail to communicate. Lets see........

Long time, no blog

Well, still no lovely pictures to share, not yet anyway as laptop being a pain in the rear but I promise to go down to the cantina and update the blog from my office sometime soon. All is well, the feeling in the house is that of tireness and calm(ish). AA has finished school for the summer and is at Rugby camp in the day, TT still at school until the end of June. Each day we are driving to the other side of Siena for the camp - part pain, part fun as exploring new routes and landmarks on the way. Tonight a storm is brewing and I pray for rain as the Horto is wilting, wilting, wilting. Planted young plants on Sunday inc: tomatos, peppers, aubergines, mange tout and they need more water. The hose is heavy and it takes at least and hour to do the whole garden, also water is scarce. A quick update: Health, now taking immune suppressents to try and calm the Bechets syndrome. Hate having to but feel the time has come to go mainstream on the health front but will keep up all the homeopathic and natural remedies too. Kids, happy but tired... trying to pursuade them a siesta is a good thing and that helping each other is actually also good. AA pushing the boundaries with attitude and reluctance to do anything useful, but he is growing up fast. TT about to take little wheels off her bike and go solo like the big girls! Garden, going mad in the heat and the dry.. Horto now underway after DH had incident with antique rotovator machine...dont't ask. Flower garden and roses also looking lovely. The mulching is so cool feeding and protecting the plants, thank you Jean for all the plants and advice. Pumpkins struggling why? Home, very dusty, untidy and somewhat out of control rather like my mind and hair! Just picked the last of the cherries and will do jam this week. Lots of soup in the freezer and bread rolls rising. Have made a study corner for AA with desk and shelves and plans for tree house are in the makings. Work, up & down, sideways and inbetween. Sadly were taken advantage of by con artist client, we did the work, she never paid and never will - now the police are on her case... Not nice but I believe for every 'cow' there is in the world there are 100's of good people to make up for the bad ones. Possible new projects in the wings and G has a meeting tomorrow for a job here in Italy, so all in all things are on the up. Life, I feel positive but tired, so am being soooo careful with myself not to get stressed, exhausted, out of tune, etc I am meditating for at least 1/2 a day and trying to prioritise and not procrastinate with work, home-stuff, contacting friends etc. Also listening to my body, heart, mind, nature etc and really gently letting my intuition guide me in every way. Loving the sunsets, early mornings, wild flowers, fruit and sounds of summer - insects, bee-eaters, laughing kids, swimming, eating outside, night jars etc xxx Ah presto

Home Again, Home Again Giggidy Gig

Well it is over a month since my last blog post - and what can I say, there is far to much to put down in words as the past few weeks have been of the very highest highs and lowest lows. We are now all a little more grounded though and I have chosen to post a little update as some very kind bloggers have been asking if I am OK. Yes I am OK, but I have been in hospital in and out for a while with more tests and it seems I have a couple of curious spots on the brain which is most likely damage caused by neuro behcets so this took some getting used to. My dd has also been in hospital with Pleurosy (excuse spelling), in between we have been to the UK to see family and camping with friends here in Italy. So really we are physically and emotionally shattered but feeling good and positive. We have lots of lovely photos to share and I will be uploading some soon. I am going to slow down on the blogging front a little as I find it distracts be from the real 'doing' so I hope to simply share the real joys, the beauty, the fun, laughter and natural flow of our little family, living in the hills of Tuscany trying hard to live gently, sutainably, abundantly and without fear or stress. Making the very most of what we have every moment of every single day. So for now here is today's good stuff: The roses in bloom, smelling of old English country gardens The bread baking, the gorgeous wafts of cooking dough (thank you dh) The glowing fire (in May!!!) drying the washing The big strong vegi plants ready to be planted in the horto My lovely true old & new friends who love me no matter what Sleeping dog and skitty kitties The clear blue skies after the heavy downpours Cracking and jolting lightening making me feel so alive The melting pot of thoughts, feelings, personalities that make up our family The gentle sun turning the cherries from green to lipstick red x

Small changes - big differences

Earlier this week I was to damn ill to do much of anything and the frustration was welling up in me, so I tried to calm my mind and think of the small things we can do that make a difference, here are my random thoughts...

• We can reach for a large jug of water and take note of how the clear liquid restores and revives as we take sips or even gulps
• We can stretch our limbs and feel our muscles lengthening then relaxing
• Spend 5 minutes writing to an old friend or relative, not typing, actually using our hands, weird feeling folding a note, placing it in an envelope and sealing within (ritualistic)
• Smooth the dog or cat or other animal whom you share your life with, very restful action giving love to someone who adores you no matter how grumpy you may feel
• breathe - deeply, slowly and intentionally
• Plant seeds, even with no energy I dragged myself into the garden and planted pot after pot of seeds this week
• make a cake, the action of weighing, stirring and baking chills me out
• Planning a trip - whoopy daydreaming up a plan of escape big or small, dreams are what life is made from
• Soup, chopping and stirring, heating and eating, so relaxing even when tired
• 5 minutes of clearing the decks, just the simple small stuff that grates on the nerves
• Heartfelt hugs, you can never have or give enough to those you love, life is often to swift

After all, the small stuff is what makes a big difference... to me at any rate xx

The reading pile

I have been sent off to bed for the last 48 hours but cannot relax so have been wading through my reading pile. Also spending hours daydreaming about self suffiency, financial freedom, going off grid and buying some land, on a more 'now' level made plans for the veg gardens and boxes. We finalised our idea for the solar shower (garden) and hope to create this within the next week or so - pics to follow. Today I hope to: make soup and potter in the garden, taking things easy as not 100% percent. The birds are all singing their hearts out and I have thrown open all the windows to clear the air and my fuddled brain. The man is amazing, so organised, he copes so well when I am unwell and so do the children, but I feel his stress (me, money, time) and just want to be fit and strong at least most of the time to lessen his burdens. Beauty: today I see beauty and hope in the changing seasons, the warming breeze, the bread baking for my children, the sleeping kittens and the dozing dog, the cherry blossom and budding fruit trees, the new life emerging from the ground and the potential in all things around me. Here are a few of the lovely books I have been devouring whilst gazing out at the Tuscan spring:

1. Hard times in paradise - David and micki colefax
2. How can I let go - Linda Douty
3. Labyrinth - Kate Mosse
4. The Have More Plan
5. How to Feed your family - Gill Holcombe

Living well

Everyday I live in fear of getting ill again as my immune system just doesn't work, however this weekend I let go of my fear and really indulged myself, wine lots of, chocolate, dairy and meat (small nibbles), and guess what, I am ill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So it just goes to show that there must be a direct link from diet to immunity, my mouth is full of ulcers and my knees are agony, I felt dizzy all day yesterday and my throat is swollen. So I truly have to accept that if I want a long and healthy life I need to tread carefully and live conciously in every way. So starting a fresh again and to fight this illness (Behcets) now I am back on the following: Gluten free Vegan diet, caffiene and alcohal free, plenty of sleep, fresh air and water. Continue with all my supplements - vitamin b group, echinecea, dog rose etc. Supper Menu for the week - this is very optimistic as if I get worse I will be on just water: Artichoke Rissotto Lentil Shepherds pie Polenta and roasted veg Minestrone (g,free) Veg curry and rice noodles stuffed peppers and boulangare pots Polenta pizza Also need to try and tidy the garden after the landlords chainsaw massacre, however, I am NOT going to worry about a thing this week, simply be kind to myself and go with the flow!

A wee rest

I have just not felt like blogging of late, I have felt that blogging was getting in the way of actually doing things. I was writing rather than achieving and this is not good for me. So I have had a rest from my blog and can now come back renewed and afresh. In my time away from the blog I have managed to spring clean the house, plant up roses,herbs, strawberries and veg seeds. Move the office to the cantina so I can now 'go' to work, converted what was the office to a playroom - perfect for everyone. Made apple cake, easter rabbits, easter cards and had lots of fresh air on walks with the old man (the dog not the husband). Also had my full body scan at the hospital, results are looming but I have continued to stay well on my diet of Echinacea, Dog Rose and Vitamin B supplements, which seem to be supporting my immune system well, though I am still really shattered. The children are loving the warmer days: blossomy trees, wild flowers, mud pie experiments, swinging in the trees, diggin in the dirt, wearing short sleeves, staying outside after school, harrassing kittens and days in the park. Today has been about gluing and sticking, feathers and pompoms, cakes and biscuits, chalks and puzzles, rugby practice and now a sliding sun and a warm fireside. Preserved 6 huge jars of baked artichokes from the market... very industrious. Tomorrow a day of gardening and then the man (not the dog) and I are planning a walk around Siena at dusk, as the children are off to the grandparents for the evening. For now a random selection of pics - notice TT's bed hair (saying morning to the kittens at 6am). x

organic gardening

Yesterday I spent a couple of hours at a friends house looking at her amazing garden, using all natural compost and mulch for beds. So inspiring, wire cages lined with card and filled with grass cuttings, veg waste and chippings to create rich environments for plants to grow -truly fab and almost free way of making your own compost. The veg plants were thriving and I came home with a car full of roses, iris, leeks, herbs, wild strawberries, vines and many more wonderful gifts. We have planned our next step and will build more large tubs and fill with natural waste, as it rots we top it up and plant straight into the planter in the autumn. To say it was better than Christmas would be very true and the morning was rounded off with a glass of local wine and some smoked salmon. Pure bliss. This morning off to the market in Poggibonsi with my old baby buggy to snap up some cheap veg for preserving and pasta sauces. A very good friend is going to give me the low down on the best buys and the local cheeses etc, as I haven't had the time to really get to grips with all the different types of pecorino yet - only been here 2 years, pathetic time management!!!!!

Wise women

The last few days have been filled with the words of wise women offering me guidance help and empathy. I have had a garden designer friend show me how to grow things in a better and more sustainable and cost effective way. Another friend has been showing me how to make the best use of the local seasonal produce and today we cooked artichokes to have tonight with gluten free pasta - so yummy. The weekends are often full to overflowing with sporty things for the boys and this weekend is no exception, however I will make time to potter in the garden and kitchen, a firm promise to myself. I plan to make crostata and a polenta cake for next weeks picky food and tomatoes stuffed with anchovies and mozzarella (experimental pottering). Today the man made an enormous compost bin for the horto and a wooden planting box for lettuces and salad stuff - so proud of him, from pallets to planters in one morning. Tonight though I will just chill out with my book 'Ripe for the picking' and the open fire, listen to the birds going to bed and slowly flop into the weekend.

In Love with

I love this country, I love its hills, its people and the sense of peace it brings.  Today I was literally sweating in desperation over work issues and stepped outside to see what the dog was barking at, within seconds I felt better, the breeze calmed me and the birdsong made me slow down and listen.  I don't know why but this place is special to me and I feel I have come home, how is this possible as I have no Italian links in my family but I know I have found my place in this mad, mad world.

Too much work on and very little time to wind down but life is still good.  The girl is under a duvet in front of the fire watching a film, the boy at football with Babo and I have just made bean and pasta soup for supper and am starting to relax after hours at my PC.

Plans - the move of the study to the shed (cantina) is moving on, we have to glaze the windows with perspex and uck out all my gardening stuff which will go under the leanto, change the locks and clean well.  I can't wait I have always had a yearning to work at the end of the garden like the wonderful Roald Dahl in his den.